Saturday, September 11, 2010

Published 11:12 AM by with 1 comment

An Essay to God

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me an Iedul Fitri that I enjoy with my big big family. Eveything’s fine today, but not as fine as before. Yeah, I met my family like usually, yet it was not a great ‘meet and greet’ in family room with opor ayam and ketupat and so many cookies and drinks on the table. There was no laugh and joke anymore. Everybody put their sadness in their sad stories. Maybe it can be said that we celebrate it in condolences.

But really, everything’s still fine for me. Thanks, God.

Allah, my Lord,

Everybody reminds me about dad – the families, neighbors, friends. They tell me about how fabulous he was. They tell me about how useful his life was. They talk about him as if he was a superhero, who loved to help people in town and always completed his mission. Hahaha. Sometimes I can’t believe about their strange story. I was smiling and a little laughing when they were telling me. They feel lucky to know him. Though he had left for years, they still remember what he have done for them as if he was just left yesterday. Everybody loves him. I think, that’s such a great great appreciation.

They know me as a daughter of my dad, so it’s not a fault if they hope I can be like him. Some of them see me as they see my dad. They said that I have his bright eyes and his ‘motivating smile’ for other people. And they said that I’m like my dad for several things I do. I’m a great dreamer with full of plans and vision about my future, I like doing something strange that other people never do it, I like to motivate people around with my own way, I can stand on my own two feet and I’m dare in so many things. That’s what they said.

But I don’t think so.

I’m not that great dreamer, sometimes I’m afraid to fall too deep. I’m not a good motivator, I’m just a person who needs to be motivated. I can’t stand on my own two feet strongly. And I’m scared of some things. Sorry, dad.

Allah, my Lord, may I talk to my dad?

I wanna say that I’m missing him. I try to not cry but I can’t. I remember he used to be angry if you saw me crying. He taught me to cry only in my pray. He taught me to be strong and strengthen the others. He taught me to see everything in God’s perspective. He taught me to defense and survive in any condition, whether it's worst. He taught me more, but I didn’t understand.

Do I make you proud, dad?

If you were here, what would you say about me? Would you say “I proud to you” ? Or am I just disappointing you?

Sorry, I can’t be as you want. Let me be myself, dad, not yourself. Let me create my own dreams, not your dreams. Hopes I can make you proud in my own way.

I proud to know you, dad. You’re the most fabulous man in my life.

They say a girl who grows up needs a father, but you’re not here, dad. You make me learn to be stronger without you. I try, dad. Now I stop my tears. It’s not easy, of course, but hey, why cry while there’re so many reason to smile?

Ok, God. That’s enough. Thanks, Allah, for everything in my life. You’re The One who never leave me. :)

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1 comment:

yuuk komen yuuk . . .